Blah - crisis?

I am feeling so weepy and sad and frustrated and blah. We had a great week despite my fears about the stress of starting piano again this last week. Matthew and I went on a date Friday to rollerskate and yesterday we went as a family to Eisenhour park to walk the trails. All great stuff. After we got done 'hiking' I took a bathroom break and had quite the surprise waiting for me. I thought I had a few more days. My body is all wacked out right now. I had a 22 day cycle last time and this one was 25 with only an 8 day lp. I don't know what my body is doing. Plus I am not losing any weight. Today I am back to where I was two weeks ago. It is so frustrating.

For some reason this cycle I was starting to think about babies and pregnancy again and it made me a bit sad to be side-swiped with the beginning of a new one. I really don't want a winter baby, so this isn't the ideal time to be trying to get pg if I wanted to. The end of April or May would be the earliest I'd want to try, but I don't know how we'd afford a baby anyway. Matthew's active duty ends this week and then we're back to limbo. We'll lose our food stamps this week b/c we went over the income threshold at the end of Feb. The good news is that it is tax season and we will probably get quite the chunk so we can live off of it for a few months at least. I plan on starting another kids class as well as an adult theory class; and I started a new student this week. So, there's some extra income ready to come in too.

I'm having all kinds of other thoughts too, and I'm wondering if I am headed for a change (hopefully for the better). I feel like I'm wandering and need to find my way back home. I think this is what is keeping Matthew from being mobilized. I've come to realize that although I am home with the boys more, he is the stable steady teaching influence in our home. I am so grateful he is here. He is such a good father. I feel like I've checked out and am merely a body in the home fascilitating but not investing.