Facebook certainly has brought my birthdays to the forefront of my mind. It was shocking to open my email and facebook this morning to an overflowing of posts. Once I remembered it was my birthday I was like, oh yeah. Most people give the token 'happy birthday' (which I am guilty of as well), but the few heart-felt posts are really touching.
I think it is the stress of all the chaos and planning of trips and reality of Matthew being gone that is setting me so emotional. I feel so distant from everyone and emotions are on the edge. Today especially I have felt 'tipsy' with tears. I feel like I'm on the brink - disengaging myself from everyone. I need companionship, but at the same time I don't want anyone very close for fear of exposing what may lie beneath 'the smiling eyes'.
There's so much to do, yet I feel like nothing is getting done. Spinning my wheels and going nowhere. Still no start date. Matthew may have to be in NJ this weekend for drill. May not make it in to FL Monday. Need to transfer the reservations to Mom and Dad's name. Need to make a baby carrier, fix the van, do laundry, pack, fill totes, clean house, prepare for the piano recital, find someone to feed the fish and tomatoes....
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