Oh yes, another stressor for me - our living situation. Our lease ends Oct 30 and Matthew's orders end Sept 30th. He failed the PT test due to shin splints so he is flagged and the intended 90 day orders can no longer be given to him until he passes a mid-Oct PT test. He's been going to physical therapy and getting help, but the timing is so tricky. We got a notice from the apartment complex about our lease ending and needing notice by the end of September our intent to renew or by the 1st if we are not. The month to month option is a $300 increase in our rent, though either way our rent will be increasing by $100 if we renew with a 9 - 12 month lease. Since Matthew is flagged, they are going to put him on AT orders for the month of October and then if he passes his PT test they'll give him the 90 day orders which brings us through January. And then what? That's only 4 months - no lease option there. Do we go ahead and sign another 6 month lease? I feel at such a loss. It finally occurred to me today that the answer I seek would come through prayer.  I am ashamed to admit that it took this long to realize that :/

Matthew and Jared climbed Mount Olympus today. It was their intent to summit (meaning make it to the top) but I got a call about 1 pm saying they were really close but Matthew's fear of heights became too much and couldn't go any further so they were heading down. It was after 5 when they were finally off the mountain. I am grateful that I prayed for their safety throughout the day based on their stories (slipping, sliding, chest pains, exhaustion, dehydration).

We all thought they'd be home about 1 pm so Aaron and I spent most of the day waiting, though I finally decided to quit waiting so much and get out of the house about 12:30. We went to KMart and then got 25 cent ice cream cones as a treat. Most of the waiting also involved listening to Gregor the Overlander and the Code of Claw though. We played on the Wii together and then got word J & M were off the mountain and ready to eat. We met them at Burger King for dinner.

It had been the plan to go to Hollywood Connection as a family, but the mountain trek took everything out of them. The unfortunate thing is that the groupon expired today, but the good news is the voucher will pay for them to go on Monday without having to pay out any extra cash. We won't get the value of 45 extra tokens, but at least we can get in for 'free'.

Yesterday felt like a rough day with a very needy Peter. I felt like he was attached and clingy all day, almost like he was suffering from separation anxiety. I wondered if he was effected by my change in diet. He had some really stinky poop but not much of it, then today during sacrament meeting he had a HUGE poopy diaper.

For the most part Peter is in a routine. He wakes up by 9 am and goes back to sleep by 11 and then wakes up sometime in the 1 o-clock hour. He's mostly up the afternoon with some cat naps and then he's ready for pjs by 9. In fact, he gets down right fussy if he isn't. Then he chews on me off and on until 11 when he goes out for the night (usually waking at 2 or 3, 5, and 7).

Last night was an exception to the routine. I took him to the store with me after 9 because he woke up and was inconsolable. We got home about 11 and though I tried to nurse him to sleep, he wouldn't stay asleep and was still fussy/crying loudly. By midnight I could hear the neighbor's tv which meant it was REALLY loud. Matthew said it was probably to drown out Peter's crying :/ Finally about 12:30 I laid him on a pillow and he went out. He didn't wake up again until 5. I guess he really wore himself out! We were all tired :p

This morning he woke up while I was in the shower. Matthew said he changed his diaper and took off his clothes and he was happy with that, but then he put the pjs back on and he got mad. I assume it was b/c I usually get him dressed then. Sundays are his bath days and he was totally content during the whole thing. Usually he cries after I take him out and before he gets dressed, but not today. He was happy up until I left him on the bed (dressed) too long so I could get me ready. He's been back into his usual routine so far the rest of the day.

Today was my first day back at "work" at church. I spent a good part of the morning from 5 on thinking about what I was going to do for singing time. The good news is that I had a head start once I was up but I was tired too. I was feeling the PPD today. I think just yesterday's neediness and the exhaustion has worn on me. Not to mention my spiritual wells are shallow right now.

School starts tomorrow. As much as I have looked forward to being by myself again, I will miss having the extra helpers. I am not looking forward to the regimented schedule either, but it may be a good thing too. We shall see.

Today has been the best day I've had since Peter's birth. It feels good to feel happy and productive.

Peter started smiling last week and this week he is even more free with them. Watching Jared with him is especially heart warming because Jared tries really hard to earn those smiles!

Today was my 6 wk pp check. I ranked an 11 on their pp depression scale (moderately depressed). In two wks I am to re-take the test and call them. I have been concerned that maybe I am on the verge, but it is hard to differentiate exhaustion and depression. I have been massively overeating (one of the things I ranked high on) and the guilt associated with that doesn't help. Though I noticed today that I didn't have the urge to eat nearly as much as I have since I came home from the hospital... The midwife recommended getting out in the sun and being active for at least 20 minutes (ideally an hour) should help and I agree that it probably would make a big difference. Catching up on sleep would as well.

I am working on Peter's birth story, but in the mean time losing out on the daily life. Recovery has gone really well. We were pretty exhausted by the end of last week as we tried to catch up on all our missing hours of sleep. I think we're finally getting there. Most days the house isn't up until well after 10. Today was an exception. I got up at 8:30 to go potty and took Jared too. Matthew got up too. Even Peter was awake and happy. Aaron slept in, but he's always needed a little bit more sleep. Jared was anxious to hold and play with Peter and he got maybe 15-20 minutes in before Peter just wanted to eat. At that point I laid back down with him and fell asleep until about 10:45.

My lochia had pretty much gone away, but yesterday I went with Jared and Matthew up the canyon for a short (very short) but somewhat steep climb to a stream. Although it was doable for me, my body said it was too much and I paid for it in lochia. Today they went again but traded me and Peter for Aaron. I think my body is happier for that choice.

Honestly I feel really great, but my pelvic area is a little sorer than it has been as everything adjusts back into place. I am still taking stool softeners when I remember b/c bms are a pain. I think my tear is closer to that area than the front or up.

Peter is having more and longer awake/alert periods. The boys love him and fight over who gets to hold him. Jared is especially territorial. He has spent many a time in the rocking chair with Peter in one arm and the Kindle in the other. He needs to feel needed and wanted and Peter fills that need well. And walking Domino - a nearby neighbor's dog. Jared doesn't even care if Peter is crying and fussy unless he can't get him to quiet down. Usually he is successful unless Peter really needs to eat.

Aaron has not gotten to hold Peter as much, but he is quicker to hand him off when he gets fussy too. But Peter is very responsive to Aaron's voice and touch too. It is sweet to see them all interact.

Matthew has done a great job running the house - especially meals. It has been fun to watch him with Peter especially. He goes back to work on Friday and he will be sorely missed. It has been really nice having him home.

Holy smokes! Peter's cord fell off tonight. I think that is like a record. I am wondering if it has anything to do with the amount of time before clamping. It was a good 30 minutes or so I think before it was clamped.