Alright, I admit it. Today I am not ok with having lost a baby. In December I thought the new body coming would be a baby, not a new one for me. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that I've been able to accomplish such an amazing feat - and it really is. I am so proud of myself for reaching my weight loss goal. But as the time draws near for when I'd be delivering, I feel a remorse. Whenever MH comments about my weight loss, this trade-off is always my first thought.
I happened to be in a position today where the first-born of the summer babies was handed to me to hold, and had the right people been around me I'd have lost it. I was next in line. Just another two weeks and I'd be full term. Aaron was two weeks early. I could have had a baby any day now.
The other side of me recognizes that there is a plan. Whenever I've gone through rough spots with the boys the last 7 months, I think how much harder it would have been had I been pregnant. I also wonder how different the boys' relationships would be if we were preparing them for another sibling. Aaron is so possessive of me, that I wonder if he needed the extra year. And honestly, I think Matthew and I did too. We were not ready. Today I am hormonal and feeling ready. Give me another few months and maybe I'll change my mind again lol But seriously, I do feel like it is time. We'll see what happens though.
July 17th is a dual baby shower for the August preggos. We'll see how I hold up.
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