It was quite the emotional week. At the end of Thurs night's breakdown Matthew decided that he would be in charge of Jared when he got home from work. Friday got off earlier, rearranged his 'office' and created a desk space for Jared to do his homework. The result after school was amazing. Jared responded so well to the set up and program that Matthew put in to place. They organized all his assignments on separate post it notes, they alternated choosing an assignment, and had frequent breaks. There ended up being 10 post its. By the time we had dinner, 5 had been accomplished and not a word was said from me. Unfortunately he chose all the relatively easy ones which meant all the writing assignments were left for the actual weekend. Matthew had drill so Jared and I decided (well, mostly I did) that we would keep up this program and accomplish his HW while Matthew was at work so that when he got home it was free time. It took all day, but he did it. There were tears and a little bit of words exchanged, but it was done and there was rejoicing.

It is becoming more and more apparent that Jared and I are treading a line that will define our relationship for the rest of his growing years and it isn't pretty. I know he loves me, but I think there is also anger and resentment boiling under the surface. I don't react well to his ADHD and find his behavior quite frustrating. As a result, I am quick to lose my patience. Many times words come out harsher than they need to be. To Aaron as well.

This week especially I have felt a lot of anger and just want to yell and scream. I think a lot of it is hormones and stress over the outcome of this pregnancy. Last night I was having a lot of cramps and felt so nauseous that I thought for sure I'd lost the baby, but today I feel fine again so who knows. I've asked Matthew for a blessing. Several times I've thought about telling the boys - at least Jared - what is going on, but just can't quite bring myself to do it. On one hand I think it would be helpful, but on the other I don't want him especially to have to carry the burden of worry either. It is two weeks til my appointment. Come what may, I can make it two weeks, right?