Sometimes I make a mess of things. Sometimes is happening a lot lately. My throat is sore from screaming. Jared is downstairs bawling. I get so frustrated and Matthew cleans up the mess. It isn't fair to him or the boys. I am approaching 8 weeks and the worry/stress of whether I'll hear a heartbeat Dec 3rd is playing its toll I think.  And the boys have hit this streak lately that just infuriates me - a total lack of regard for authority. Jared is struggling too but instead of talking with him I yell and cut him off. I worry about our relationship as he grows. We are on a rocky road that will not end well if I don't get myself together.