Had my 36 wk appt yesterday. I was a little bummed b/c I came out GBS positive :/ Not a great way to start my unmedicated birth. I have to get antibiotics as soon as I go in to labor. *sigh* Oh well. Little boy seems to be doing well though. His heartbeat seemed a little lower yesterday, but still in good range. Last week I weighed 201 and yesterday 202.6. I've eaten a LOT of junk (cake) all week.

My feet have been really swollen since last Thursday. They've gotten so bad my legs and feet tingle. It has been really hot and I've not been drinking enough water. It's gotten a bit uncomfortable. Part of it is because I've been sitting at the sewing machine a lot this week too.

I've been working on a blanket for Melissa's baby. I wanted to use up my fabric but ended up buying some anyway. I'd love to hurry and get it finished, but we'll see how long my motivation runs.

The boys are out of school now. I am trying to channel last summer's fun, but am struggling.

The nesting bug hit pretty hard yesterday. I woke up about 5:00 to potty then laid in bed for a little bit before deciding my mind was too awake, plus I had the energy and desire to get some things done. I finished organizing my food shelf and managed to go through a few more boxes taking up space. By the time it was late enough to get the boys up for school I was feeling tired. I went to the bedroom to take a nap after dropping them off but once I sat down my mind was going again and I hit a second wind. I did laundry and vacuumed, put down the vinyl, cleaned bathrooms. At one point I started turning circles b/c I wasn't sure where I wanted to start. It was Friday which meant early release. By then I was really tired and ended up crashing soon after. Once my nap was over I was back in nesting mode.

Two things on my priority list were to put the car seat in the van and pack my bag. By the time we sat down for dinner I still hadn't done them, but a storm was coming and I just had the overwhelming sense of urgency so I got the carseat in. I still haven't got my bag packed, though I did at least get a list printed out to give me some direction. I did the online pre-registration for the hospital though someone has to go over it and call me back which means it will probably happen Monday. This morning I filled out my birth plan and consent form for water birth.

By the time I went to bed I was having a lot of contractions and I wondered if my urgency was related. I think I was just tired and overworked though because they petered out. I haven't had very many today. My right foot has been swollen since Thurs which I find kind of odd. I also have that wet pre-AF feel but I am dry. I figure if my plug comes out then we're really getting close.

Part of me feels ridiculous for being so paranoid when I am just barely 36 wks tomorrow, but I'd rather be prepared and go late than go early and be caught off guard.

I met my co-chorister today when we went to clean the church. The only Sunday she'll be here in June is the 15th. I told her that's what I'm aiming for, but we'll see what happens.

-move totes, nightstand, drawers
-vacuum bedroom
-clean co-sleeper (wipe down and wash cover)
-set up bassinet/co-sleeper
-sort and wash baby clothes
-get rocking chair
-move winter clothes to storage
-call midwives and schedule appt

I have been busy getting everything ready. Tomorrow is my appt with the midwives closest to us. All my concerns for an early labor have seem to dissipate and I feel more like I will be in for the long haul now. Baby is getting big though and has adjusted his position so that his feet are in my left rib cage instead of right in the center. Unfortunately that means  a lot of times he'll hit a nerve that effects my right hip. It's weird. The other day I seriously felt his toes in my side. It was the weirdest and coolest thing.

For the most part I've felt comfortable and at ease with the fact I'll be having a hospital birth. Today I went to WalMart and got some wipes and diapers. There was a really strong sterile smell that triggered hospital memories and the panicky feeling kind of set in again. 

I have realized that there is a part of me in denial about the fact there will be a baby in our home soon and all that it entails. I have been afraid to enjoy it because I sealed my heart and emotions up from loss. The other day I washed and sorted the clothes and picked out the ones that will go to the hospital. Aaron was with me on the bed and helped pick them out too. All of a sudden touching the clothes and remembering Jared and Aaron helped me imagine this little one in them and then it became real. I actually got excited about holding him. 

We do not have a name officially, but I think he will be called Peter. It feels right. I would like his middle name to be my maiden name b/c there is only one boy in the family to carry on that name and odds are he won't have children of his own in which case my family's name will hit a dead end. I'd like it to be carried on if possible. I haven't mentioned it to Matthew because I don't think he'll like the idea, but I suppose I am going to have to broach the topic at some point :)

I have turned my attention to sewing instead of cleaning or organizing. I've made a couple of burp cloths, pinned a blanket and cut out a boppy cover. I didn't have the right color threads for the blanket or cover so I took care of that while at WM. I happened to find a boppy cover on clearance that included a waterproof cover so I went ahead and bought it even though I am making one. Our pillow got really nasty from us sleeping on it, so I think it is worth the extra to get a protective cover for it too. 

I am tired today, but it could be from the shopping I did. Monday we went to the Little Cottonwood Canyon and did the Temple Quarry Trail and a little bit of the other trail. It was really interesting to see the scars on the rocks from 100 years ago still present. I did pretty well on the pavement, but once we got on the rocky trail my hips started bothering me and baby was sitting on my bladder so we really didn't make it very far on the LCTrail. We went swimming when we got home and though it was enjoyable, my left side ended up feeling kinked like my right side had been. It was nice to be able to walk normally for awhile again. 

Everyone seems to be taking turns getting sick. Aaron stayed home from school Thurs and Fri because of a fever. He had a terrible headache too and his throat hurt. Jared had a sore throat as well with a cough, but no fever so he's not missed school yet. I think he's had croup so we've been giving him ibuprofen at night and some allergy medicine in case it is allergy related. He has been extra tired during the day, but I think he is on the healing side of it. Then yesterday Matthew mentioned his throat was starting to hurt and he was having a hard time getting his temp right - too cold or too hot. And this morning he had a really bad headache. I think he had what Aaron had :(  I just hope we get these germs done with before baby comes.

Time is passing so quickly. It is hard to believe we are already half way done with this week. 35 wks 4 days today.... I think no matter when baby comes it will seem like it came quickly.

Either the root beer float gave me an energy boost or I was struck by the nesting bug. I washed towels and the boys' sheets today, so when the boys were sent to bed I stood in the hall and folded laundry. Granted the bathrooms have been bothering me, but instead of ignoring it as usual I went ahead and cleaned them. If it weren't for the fact the boys were supposed to be going to sleep I would have vacuumed my room and rearranged stuff to make room for the co-sleeper I pulled out today.

It has been bothering me that I didn't know where the bags with the sheets for the co-sleeper were. I opened boxes in the boys' rooms and finally concluded they had to be in the storage unit. I stopped there before picking the boys up from school. I finally found them in one of the kitchen boxes - pampered chef box which is now pretty much empty :/ But I can finally put that worry to rest. yay! One less thing for my mind to dwell on in the middle of the night. Now if only I knew what I should say in my talk on Sunday....

I met with the last midwife group today and now I need to make a decision. I feel inclined to go with the ones closest to us though the idea of a group of 9 midwives and only 6 weeks to go isn't a happy thought. But I feel like it is the right place for me, so I will put my trust in my feelings. I was set apart on Sunday as the Primary Chorister and at the end of the blessing, the topic changed to address the upcoming birth. I was blessed that my body would function and all would be well. I'm holding on to that hope :) I have been feeling quite a bit of anxiety - several times triggered at the sight of a hospital bed :/

I was pleased today that the midwife listened to the baby's heart and did a basic exam. She didn't measure me, but it was still a relief to have some sort of check up since the last one was at 29 weeks and now I am 34. She said everything sounds good :) I did like her a lot, but she will be on call for 4 weeks straight the month of June. She will be one tired midwife when I go in!

Anyway, I wanted to make a list of things I'd like to get done tomorrow if possible:

-move totes, nightstand, drawers
-vacuum bedroom
-clean co-sleeper (wipe down and wash cover)
-set up bassinet/co-sleeper
-sort and wash baby clothes
-get rocking chair
-move winter clothes to storage
-call midwives and schedule appt

Last night as the winds swirled outside, the phrase 'whirlwind adventure' came coming to mind as I thought about the possibility of a 6 mo PCS to UT in our very near future. So many unanswered questions and not a lot of time to figure it all out.

In other news, I finally announced on FB about being pregnant. I am not sure if sharing my blog post about it was the right decision but it is done.

We went and toured the hospital Tuesday night. The boys behaved pretty well. I was pleased :) The next day I asked them what they thought of the experience and Jared said, Lucky. Another voiced opinion was excited. I think it made it more real for them - at least for Jared because up until yesterday he really didn't seem to show much interest in the baby. I was laying on the couch and Jared was working on homework at the computer. Baby was bumping around and I called Aaron over to feel. Jared came too. Baby quieted down again but Jared waited there awhile. I told him that he could talk to the baby. He wasn't quite sure what to say and I could tell he felt akward and embarrassed. Finally I sent him away and told him I'd call him back over if he started moving again. Turns out that every time I sat up he'd move. About the same time as discovering this, Jared had turned on his band music to listen to while he worked. Soon I called him over and he was able to feel this little one a couple of times. I'm glad he got to experience that :)

As for my feelings about the hospital tour, well... it is a great facility. But I felt uncomfortable there and it kind of solidified my feelings about a home birth. I think I finally figured out why. At my appt with the midwife last week I discussed Matthew's concerns about a homebirth. She assured me that most calls to transfer to the hospital happen early enough that can be done calmly. If it really is an emergency transfer than they call the closest hospital to have them prep the OR. But even in a hospital it takes 30 minutes to prep for a C-Section which would be our travel time. One of the reasons for transfer would be failure to progress, so I shared with her my previous birth experiences and wondered how that would be weighed. We discussed it and she said it is possible that I petered out because I was disrupted and distracted by the transition to the hospital. Another possibility is that I am just one of those women who has a really long early labor, but the fact that my water broke put me on a clock. It might be a different experience staying home.

As we went through the hospital and the more our guide talked, I thought about the conversation with the midwife and my experience with the miscarriages and realized I really liked being at home and doing my own thing. That night Matthew asked me what I thought and I shared with him this conclusion and I think he got it. In the morning I told him that I felt very uncomfortable delivering in the hospital and that it wasn't the place for me. He joked that maybe that had something to do with moving to UT :)

I feel very torn about the move. I want to go as a family, but I don't want to take Jared away from band and the research I've done for midwives makes me feel anxious and upset. The highly recommended ones take very few clients and even less insurance. I'd have to pay out of pocket. With the fact that most of my pgcy is over, I'd hope they would pro-rate it. My next appt is April 1st and is in conjunction with my big blood draw and testing. Really the only expenses left should be the final visits, birth, and postpartum. I talked to Mom yesterday to find out if she'd be willing to come and stay with us in June if Matthew goes by himself. She is willing. In some ways I think that'd be the easiest option, but I also don't necessarily feel like that is the best option.

Friday night or Saturday morning I was praying about it, and the thought that came immediately to mind was that we will go and everything will turn out fine. I felt much more at peace at that point and decided to quit researching and wait for orders and answers to all our questions. We spent Saturday evening emptying out the storage unit. Jared and I were alone in the van so I talked to him about the situation and how he felt about it. He said he thinks we'll go, but he'd prefer not to say why. He recognizes that there are pros and cons to the move. The biggest pro is that the Blacks are there, though we'd still be a good enough distance away that we still probably wouldn't see each other as much as we'd like. Although with summer's free schedule, maybe we would.

On Sunday the topic for Sacrament mtg was the Atonement. The sister spoke about using the Atonement for its ENABLING power, not just its healing power. The final speakers shared his recent experience regarding losing his job and finding new employment. He recounted the move to get him here and shared that two weeks before they were to come, the apartment complex contacted them and denied their application. After scrambling they found another one and discovered another member family in the complex whom they became really great friends with. At one point they shared their experience with the denied application and the family responded that they know why it happened. They had been praying for a family to move in that they could be friends with. Basically they had prayed this family to that apartment. His point was that sometimes our trials are an answer to another's prayers. The closing song was I'll Go Where You Want me to Go. I looked at Matthew and laughed. It seemed the talks and song for that morning were meant for us.

As I've thought about the growth and realizations from reading the Book of Mormon over the last 40 days, I try to draw on the same strength that Nephi had. He trusted the Lord and was willing to do whatever was asked because the Lord would see him through it. I need that kind of faith too. Yes it scary and overwhelming, but it will all work together for our good.

Ouch pretty much sums it up.

I did yoga two days in a row last week and felt great. I didn't do it yesterday and today I am sore. I did do it today though, but for whatever reason every step hurt. Well, every step after running from the truck to the train, sitting on the train for 90 minutes then taking the subway.

We met Mike in NY for dinner tonight. The longest excursion for a dinner you ever experienced! We left the house about 4:15 and finally met him at the pizzeria a little before 7. We got home at midnight. Man tomorrow is going to be rough.

Ever since Sunday after church, I have had a lot of pain. I don't know if it is round ligament or sciatic but either way it makes walking quite a chore. I have found sitting in chairs for long periods of time aggravates it. It is like I hit 22 wks and all hell broke loose on my body :p