Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Yesterday was busy and I didn't take the opportunity to update. I had high hopes when she checked my uterus and gave me a look that I took to mean it's measuring the right size. Then it was time for the doppler. She reminded me that sometimes it takes awhile on the first appt. And it did. She rolled it over the left side with nothing, found my heartbeat from a vein in the middle, rolled to the right, rolled lower and caught a little heartbeat briefly. I sobbed. She had to move the doppler b/c I causing so much noise from the movement. I must have startled the little one b/c the next time she had to find 'him' again. (She kept referring to the baby as a him, and it feels right to say that but maybe b/c that has just been my experience.) "He" moved a couple of times, but we listened a good long while at the end. Sweet relief. My next appt is Jan 7. Yesterday I was 10 w 3 days.

I found I had a mental shift by the end of the day. I think I've been in a holding state mentally and emotionally. I refused to think about life inside of me until the moment when life was verified. For the first time I even thought of this pregnancy as being more than just being pregnant/a fetus - but a baby. I think the 'baby' moving around was part of the mental shift b/c for the first time I found myself wanting to stroke my belly and talk to the baby. 

I reread the lyrics to Be Still, My Soul (still makes me cry) and feel like it is the perfect song for this experience.

"All safe and blessed we shall meet at last."

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