Ode to Joy

Today marks the day of 'what might have been' had it been the Lord's will. Although, with the way my births have gone, I probably would have delivered this weekend or earlier. This date (July 12th) has loomed in the back of my mind for days, but for the moment there is no real sadness in those thoughts. It is surreal to think that there could have been a new baby being integrated into our family right now. Our experiences of the last seven months would have been drastically different than what they were - and not always for the better judging how I was when I was pregnant with Aaron.

As I mowed the lawn this morning, I began compiling an "I am so blessed" list in my mind. From the mundane and trite to the not so much so, here is what I've come up with so far (in no particular order)....

1) I can mow the lawn myself instead of waiting on someone else to do it.
2) I can keep up with my boys.
3) I am not in constant pain.
4) I am able to love on my boys without having to divide my attention among three (or four if you count Matthew in there too ;) ) and enjoy their relationship with each other as best friends.
5) I am able to go on an insane 3 1/2 week long cross-country road trip at the end of the month.
6) I am able to maintain and even enlarge my piano teaching business.
7) I've been able to spend the last seven months working on getting to my goal weight (and largely succeeding).
8) Though there are moments of sadness - usually spurred by hormone changes, the Lord has given me peace.
9) We don't have to worry about doctor bills we can't pay.
10) I have incredible friends and family who have loved me and supported me in a myriad of ways.
11) We weren't really ready anyway.
12) If it had to happen, the timing and events couldn't have been better.
13) My body held on to that fetus as long as possible to give it every chance to grow if it were going to grow, so that there was no wondering or opportunity for me to think "if only"
14) There are so many others who've waited a LONG time for a baby who are getting one this summer, and I'd gladly give up my turn for them.
15) I can sleep on my back. or side. or tummy. Heck, I get to sleep!!

The list could go on and on. The Lord is mindful of me - of us. I am so grateful once again for a loving doting Father in Heaven who has encircled me in the arms of His love, allowed me to mourn, and then show me a new way. He knew of my goal to be 150 when I got pregnant again, and when I didn't succeed the first time, He gave me a second chance. I'm not saying that's why I miscarried, just that the Lord does care about what we want and will help provide a way for us to accomplish our goals. Of all things, I am grateful for my Father in Heaven and my knowledge of the plan of salvation. And through the Atoning sacrifice of our Savior, we were able to be sealed together in the temple as a forever family. How blessed I am!