I suppose it is about time I did an update. There is no doubt that I am feeling baby move now - usually it is once I get stretched out. The other night Matthew put his hand on my belly as we were laying down to go to sleep and right away I started feeling movement. I didn't tell him at the time, but my thought was to mention that baby was saying hi. There was another time Matthew put his hand on my belly and the baby responded with movement. I finally did let Matthew know and he was then kind of afraid to put 'pressure' there though I don't think that was the problem at all.

Aaron has started patting and hugging my belly and saying hi to the baby. It is so cute :) I love it! Jared seems kind of oblivious to the whole thing, but I know he is hoping for a sister.

I asked the boys what they thought of the name Emily and they liked that choice. Matthew on his own told me what he thought was interesting the night we had our discussion. It turns out that he was thinking about how he doesn't like compound names (like Laelynn or RoseMary). When I said Emily right after mentioning the name Emma, he realized Emily could be a compound name (EmmaLee) but it didn't ilicit the aversion response and that was what he found interesting. I told him that as I have thought about names and looked at names, Emily is the only one that seems like it fits into our family. I am heavily leaning on that name, but as Matthew said before, we better make sure it's a girl ;)

I am probably setting myself up for a major disappointment, but every thought is girl-focused. The quilt fabrics, the clothes, the names... but interestingly whenever Aaron is interacting with the baby, I refer to the baby as 'he'. So, we'll see. Our ultrasound is Feb 10th at 6 pm!

Now that I can feel the baby move and it is becoming more of a reality, I am getting more and more anxious to say something on facebook. I told my visiting teachers yesterday when they came to visit. I am about to upload a bunch of pictures on FB too. I had planned on not posting the one of the Christmas presents showing Aaron's book "I am a Big Brother" but at this point I think I will go ahead and post and see who actually notices. I was watching the video of him reading his book and it is so darn cute! Unfortunately it got really annoying from the sound coming and out (sputtering) and I turned it off. I noticed as I was recording the light going off and on, but I didn't think it would affect the sound. It may have been my computer needing restarted too, but I don't know. The other complaint is that the video is sideways :/ Kind of annoying, but oh well.

Thurs night was bookclub and on my way I think I felt baby. I had this rolling on my left side that happened just once, but it was what I remember babies feeling like. S/he must have hit just the right spot to be felt b/c I haven't felt anything like it sense. However during this last week I feel kind of tingly and jiggly in my tummy. I don't think it will be long now before I'll be feeling baby more clearly.

Matthew and I were talking the other night about names - he even brought it up :) He said he'd been thinking of names that fit our pattern (which he said was an 'are' in the middle) and the only one he could come up with was Karen. We agreed we didn't like that one. Our pattern was really that it had to be 5 letters so we could sing the BINGO song - though we change the lyrics to be a 'boy we love very much'. He had forgotten about that and thought it rather silly. I told him about Laelynn and I was right about him not liking it. Then I suggested Emma. He said that didn't fit the five letter pattern either, and I thought of Emily b/c it does have 5 letters. His response was 'Interesting. Very interesting." He wouldn't comment further and that was the end of the conversation :/ I really want to know what he was thinking and if it at least was a good or bad kind of interesting. I kind of like Emily. I think it would go well in our group and at least here in NJ there aren't a lot of them. It's kind of classic and you can do a lot nickname wise.

At one point Matthew asked why we were only discussing girl names (which ironically was the one name he could come up with too). I told him b/c I was hoping for one. I think our shared sentiment is that we don't really know what to do with a girl and girls are full of drama (not that our boys aren't, but girls are different for sure).

I looked up the radiology clinic that I am going to for the ultrasound. There are several locations to choose from and one has a 3D/4D machine. This will be my one u/s so I am wondering if I should go for it or just a regular one. I kind of like the idea of the black and white traditional one. I think it is cool to see the profile and wonder. I still look at Aaron's profile and feel wonder at how much he looked like that in utero. And I kind of think the 3D ones are weird looking, but it would be cool too. I don't know that one is necessarily better than another when it comes right down to it though. The other advantage this place has is that appt starts at 7:30 am and end at 8 pm so there'd be a much better chance that Matthew could go.

Did I mention that time is flying?!?!

I did day 1 of the 10 min bootcamp video from sparkpeople today. I didn't get to use the excuse of showering before the boys left for school so I took advantage of it. I have a lot of work to do to get myself back into shape.

I had an appt today to help a sister I visit teach take down her Christmas decorations. We did it in about an hour and then her daughter showed up. We had a really nice visit. She kept asking about having more kids though and so I eventually told them I am already expecting. They are the first to know in this area. It is weird to talk about it outside of family.

I started looking up names today. I remembered a prayer discussion I had when I was pregnant last time about needing to exercise prudence so the child is not spoiled. I liked the idea of Prudence as a name. I tried to find a name that means prudence, but didn't come up with anything. Instead I followed a few other leads for other means and found one that just brought me to tears every time I read it: Laelynn which means 'flower of hope'. Truly this baby is a flower of hope - especially if it is a girl. I don't think Matthew would go for it though. I don't think it is traditional enough for him. I also liked Emma and couldn't remember why I wanted to stay away from it before. I think it was because there was an Emma born "recently" in San Antonio. Rebekah was always a name I'd planned on using, but it just doesn't fit anymore. When I told the boys I was thinking about names today, Aaron told me was thinking of the name Shark. HA!

Today I am 16 weeks. This last week flew by and I am realizing that time will just continue to fly - especially as I look ahead at the calendar and all the things that will keep us busy until it will be June before we know it.

I've been working on getting the house back into shape now that I have some energy. My hope is that we will all develop these new habits so that when the baby comes the house will be a refuge and the family (boys especially) will be in habits that can be maintained while I am in recovery. I explained this to them on Saturday as we worked on getting the living room cleaned and they agreed it was important.

I talked to Julie on Friday. She is the only person besides Matthew (well, and the midwives) that I have actually said I am pregnant or having a baby. I keep thinking about spilling the beans on facebook but it still feels taboo. I feel like once my big u/s next month happens, it will be more real and THEN I'll make a 'big' deal about it. I haven't mentioned it to my counselors either though I wonder how much longer I'll be able to 'hide' it. I noticed my secretary do a glance at my tummy today but it could have been nothing too. It's odd that I don't mind my TX people knowing but I don't feel ready for the locals to know.

I think all the productivity of the rest of the week wore me out. I felt so tired and headachey all day. Probably the crying from the news of a friend's death didn't help either. Both tonight and last night when I went to bed I was hurting near my pubic bone which makes me think that maybe I can't handle plyo jumping though I really need to do something b/c I feel flabbily uncomfortable - especially in my legs. By the end of the night the waist band on my pants was really bothersome too.

I am thinking of breaking my silence on FB b/c I could use some feedback about these stupid car seats. Round and round I go.... ugh

I've been excited to try out  my new maternity jeans, so I started on Monday. They haven't worked out quite as well as I'd hoped but they are comfy when I first put them on. Monday I chose the mid band one and they were sliding down all day long. I figured I would have to make a different undergarment choice and maybe that would help. Today I am wearing them again and it is more of the same. Oh well. I don't feel constricted in them at least. Tues I wore the ones that has the fabric that comes up to my chest (which will eventually cover a large belly). They slid down as well, but not as bad as the band ones do. Yesterday I wore my sweat pants and it was kind of nice to have clothes that would stay up, but it won't be long before they feel kind of snug.

Tuesday I had my appt. I am measuring right on target for 15 weeks and we heard the baby's heartbeat nice and clear :) My next appt is Feb 4th and I have the slip for my ultrasound. I am having a hard time waiting!! Yesterday I was at WalMart so I browsed through the fabric real quick and found one that I liked. It is a blue background with stacked bowls and cherries scattered around. It has some nice varieties of color. I didn't have a lot of time to find coordinating fabrics, but I did find one that had small squares of color that seemed to match it. I talked to Mom last night about it and she is working on other quilts right now and wondered if she should figure out a pattern or if I had one in mind. I think she does a great job finding patterns and I do well at figuring out the coordination of the fabrics.

Target has been having a mega clearance sale as they update inventory. I found an Eddie Bauer travel set for $65 but I have continued to research and discovered it really isn't great :/ It is sitting in the back of the van waiting to determine if it goes back or not. The more I look and research, the more my price point changes. Although I have lots of time to find one, I don't have a lot of time to decide if I want these bargain priced ones. This is the first time I've actually shopped for a new car seat b/c I've always had used ones. Seems ironic that I'd get a new one for #3. In the process I've realized that there's a good chance that the seat Aaron is in is expired or will soon :/ blah

I've been having weird dreams and usually involve injury or death or a non-existant baby. I am going to chalk it up to still being nervous about losing the baby. I look forward to being able to feel the baby somewhat regularly so there is not doubt about it growing.

Wanted to document an event that occurred on Tues. I sent this to Tran in a FB msg:

Today when I asked them if they wanted to go to my ultrasound was the first time they really got excited about the idea of a baby. At first Aaron didn't want to go because he was afraid the baby had died again. Our last miscarriage is pretty imprinted on his little heart and mind. When I assured him that this one was alive, his excitement was so cute!! He started talking to the baby even though I told him that it was too soon for the baby to be able to hear him. I won't for sure get my first ultrasound until Feb when they do the anatomy scan, but there is a possibility I could get one after my next appt on the 7th. We'll see.

After this little incident in the kitchen with the boys, we headed to the computer and watched Babycenter's videos of the growth of babies from week 1 all the way to full term. We also watched one about the development of boys and girls and ultrasounds. When we watched the one from the first weeks of pregnancy, I told the boys that that was about what ours looked like when it died. Jared wanted to know if it looked like that when it was 'born.' I told him the first one I could kind of see it but the second one I couldn't - it was mostly just blood. He found that odd but accepted it.

Today the boys went back to school so I headed to the store. I've been itching to get out of the house and shop by myself. I was obsessing over going to Good Will and gave in. Boy am I glad!! Almost all their maternity pants were my size!! I ended up with 3 pairs of jeans and 2 capris. I figured that even though it'll be awhile before I need the shorts, it'll be nice to have them when I want them b/c I won't have anything that fits then. I found a cute sweater top that is long and will make a good maternity top too. I can wear it now and probably through the rest of winter because the last button is at my waist though it goes down further like a maternity top. I also found a dress that was so cute I decided to buy it even though it falls a little short when I sit down. It comes to my knees while I'm standing, but won't work when I sit. I'm trying to think of a way to modify it so I can wear it modestly - probably with a long slip or leggings.

We are in the midst of a snow storm so there will be no school for the boys tomorrow. Today I was really productive and I'm afraid tomorrow will be another lazy day, but there's so much I want/need to get done that maybe I can pull myself together. It helped that we all had to get up and get going this morning. I left the boys' alarm on so maybe there's a chance we'll get it going.