Last night as the winds swirled outside, the phrase 'whirlwind adventure' came coming to mind as I thought about the possibility of a 6 mo PCS to UT in our very near future. So many unanswered questions and not a lot of time to figure it all out.

In other news, I finally announced on FB about being pregnant. I am not sure if sharing my blog post about it was the right decision but it is done.

We went and toured the hospital Tuesday night. The boys behaved pretty well. I was pleased :) The next day I asked them what they thought of the experience and Jared said, Lucky. Another voiced opinion was excited. I think it made it more real for them - at least for Jared because up until yesterday he really didn't seem to show much interest in the baby. I was laying on the couch and Jared was working on homework at the computer. Baby was bumping around and I called Aaron over to feel. Jared came too. Baby quieted down again but Jared waited there awhile. I told him that he could talk to the baby. He wasn't quite sure what to say and I could tell he felt akward and embarrassed. Finally I sent him away and told him I'd call him back over if he started moving again. Turns out that every time I sat up he'd move. About the same time as discovering this, Jared had turned on his band music to listen to while he worked. Soon I called him over and he was able to feel this little one a couple of times. I'm glad he got to experience that :)

As for my feelings about the hospital tour, well... it is a great facility. But I felt uncomfortable there and it kind of solidified my feelings about a home birth. I think I finally figured out why. At my appt with the midwife last week I discussed Matthew's concerns about a homebirth. She assured me that most calls to transfer to the hospital happen early enough that can be done calmly. If it really is an emergency transfer than they call the closest hospital to have them prep the OR. But even in a hospital it takes 30 minutes to prep for a C-Section which would be our travel time. One of the reasons for transfer would be failure to progress, so I shared with her my previous birth experiences and wondered how that would be weighed. We discussed it and she said it is possible that I petered out because I was disrupted and distracted by the transition to the hospital. Another possibility is that I am just one of those women who has a really long early labor, but the fact that my water broke put me on a clock. It might be a different experience staying home.

As we went through the hospital and the more our guide talked, I thought about the conversation with the midwife and my experience with the miscarriages and realized I really liked being at home and doing my own thing. That night Matthew asked me what I thought and I shared with him this conclusion and I think he got it. In the morning I told him that I felt very uncomfortable delivering in the hospital and that it wasn't the place for me. He joked that maybe that had something to do with moving to UT :)

I feel very torn about the move. I want to go as a family, but I don't want to take Jared away from band and the research I've done for midwives makes me feel anxious and upset. The highly recommended ones take very few clients and even less insurance. I'd have to pay out of pocket. With the fact that most of my pgcy is over, I'd hope they would pro-rate it. My next appt is April 1st and is in conjunction with my big blood draw and testing. Really the only expenses left should be the final visits, birth, and postpartum. I talked to Mom yesterday to find out if she'd be willing to come and stay with us in June if Matthew goes by himself. She is willing. In some ways I think that'd be the easiest option, but I also don't necessarily feel like that is the best option.

Friday night or Saturday morning I was praying about it, and the thought that came immediately to mind was that we will go and everything will turn out fine. I felt much more at peace at that point and decided to quit researching and wait for orders and answers to all our questions. We spent Saturday evening emptying out the storage unit. Jared and I were alone in the van so I talked to him about the situation and how he felt about it. He said he thinks we'll go, but he'd prefer not to say why. He recognizes that there are pros and cons to the move. The biggest pro is that the Blacks are there, though we'd still be a good enough distance away that we still probably wouldn't see each other as much as we'd like. Although with summer's free schedule, maybe we would.

On Sunday the topic for Sacrament mtg was the Atonement. The sister spoke about using the Atonement for its ENABLING power, not just its healing power. The final speakers shared his recent experience regarding losing his job and finding new employment. He recounted the move to get him here and shared that two weeks before they were to come, the apartment complex contacted them and denied their application. After scrambling they found another one and discovered another member family in the complex whom they became really great friends with. At one point they shared their experience with the denied application and the family responded that they know why it happened. They had been praying for a family to move in that they could be friends with. Basically they had prayed this family to that apartment. His point was that sometimes our trials are an answer to another's prayers. The closing song was I'll Go Where You Want me to Go. I looked at Matthew and laughed. It seemed the talks and song for that morning were meant for us.

As I've thought about the growth and realizations from reading the Book of Mormon over the last 40 days, I try to draw on the same strength that Nephi had. He trusted the Lord and was willing to do whatever was asked because the Lord would see him through it. I need that kind of faith too. Yes it scary and overwhelming, but it will all work together for our good.

Ouch pretty much sums it up.

I did yoga two days in a row last week and felt great. I didn't do it yesterday and today I am sore. I did do it today though, but for whatever reason every step hurt. Well, every step after running from the truck to the train, sitting on the train for 90 minutes then taking the subway.

We met Mike in NY for dinner tonight. The longest excursion for a dinner you ever experienced! We left the house about 4:15 and finally met him at the pizzeria a little before 7. We got home at midnight. Man tomorrow is going to be rough.