Empty Arms

I had really hoped that I'd be able to come home from vacation with positive news, but aside from a great trip there wasn't any. I am afraid my body has fallen back into its infertility pattern and it makes me sad, apprehensive, and guilty for all the misgivings I had about being pregnant. My arms are longing for a new baby to hold, but I am wondering if it is too late. I'm wishing I hadn't been so afraid of getting pg when Aaron was still a baby and I felt that it was time. I wish that I hadn't wished I wasn't pg all those times that I wasn't. I wish that this wasn't so all consuming. I need to trust in the Lord. I've already felt myself question the feelings I had when I was miscarrying. It's passed time for an April birth for this year, but that doesn't mean I'll never have a spring baby.